Letter #6: Of Love and Warm Cardigans
Dear H,
This week I read an ARC of September Love by Lang Leav. When I requested the ARC, I was approved fairly easily. I didn’t know what to expect. I had been hearing about Leav’s wondrous poems for years now but purposely ignoring them. Something or the other never clicked. I… never really cared. Until I read the title of her 2020 collection, September Love. To my brain, for whatever reason, that sounded like Leav’s love for September, the month. Needless to say, I was excited to read it. I am, after all, a bit biased with my affection for September.
What I didn’t pause to think when I requested the ARC was what alternative meanings the title could entail. And, I was wrong just a tad bit (depending on how you interpret the poems). The book opens with the poem after which the collection is named, which I will share here. The poem has been originally published in Sea of Strangers:
Image Source: Pinterest
And it’s not just this poem that jumps between the concept of love and love as a person, which I found fascinating. As the collection went on, and I read the poems, I found the lines blurring between the two. By the end, I could not figure out how Lang was referencing the word love. I loved the aura of ambiguity it brought. I went and reread the entire collection, now questioning every time Leav used the word ‘love’ in it.
What I realised in my reread was that I had only been thinking about love as a concept for a long time, I hadn’t associated the word with someone. I have associated the word with my books, and my houseplants, and my room. With my own words, with my journals, with my house. The word love exists as a synonym to kindness in my brain. I am not saying I don’t love anyone. I love my family, friends and people, and One Direction and the artists I follow and the authors I read and the people I watch on YouTube, and the fictional characters I fall for. But love in the context of September Love means so much more, so much alien and private and a concept I cannot wrap my head around.
Love reserved for a single person that only grows as you do sounds like a distant dream. I have fallen before only to realise in the span of months, or weeks, or even days on occasions, that this is not the love that stays. I mistake infatuation for permanence on most days of the year. It is what we all wish for, isn't it? Something constant, regardless of what the world throws at you both. Something stable, despite the rocky road we tread on, with however many challenges we face. We want love to stay, and hold us; sing us to sleep on anxious nights, and whisper, “I am here,” and be there when we wake up too. Breakfast in bed, with a goofy smile. Holding hands, walking towards the sunset. Dancing in empty hallways. Apologetic phone calls. We want to write poems and letters and books and movies and sing songs, we want love to see them all and read them and remember them and sing along and dance to them. We want to bake cookies and bread and pizza with love on Sundays. We want to cover each other in flour.
We want to laugh. We want to cry. We want to be vulnerable. We want to tell each other everything. We just want… love to be. And we want to be enough.
But we don’t always get this luxury, do we? Love comes and stays in certain seasons and… leaves. It comes as a glass of water, a hand-knitted cardigan from your grandmother, a summer song, a book from a friend you haven’t met, a smile from a stranger, a warm hug after a long day, a cup of coffee, somebody remembering your name, or order (sometimes both), pen and paper, an umbrella for your rainy days, snow boots, a repair job done well, a shovel, a surprise dinner. Love is a…tourist, on most days. It gathers stories and leaves you with memories.
We smile… and wait for love to drop by again.
Love, H.
P. S: Chahna says this section reminds her of When Love Arrives by Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye. Watch that too?
So… basically, everyone in the family has become obsessed with knitting and crocheting. And, maybe I am to blame. Just a little. The other day I was looking at the video JW Anderson put out for their patchwork cardigan - which was really kind of them. They didn’t have to do this but they released the knitting pattern and everything, so people who wanted to knit or crochet the cardigan themselves, they could. I had knitted when I was a kid but I only know a very basic stitch (thanks, grandma!) so I was invested in this. After watching the JW Anderson video I watched tutorial videos on how to do advance knitting stitches, and how to crochet. I really wanted to know how it all worked and if I could knit myself the JW Anderson cardigan. I mean it looks absolutely gorgeous. Who wouldn’t want to have this in their wardrobe?
Image Source: ClothBase. You can find the cardigan here
My younger sister caught me watching the knitting videos. She doesn’t usually care that much, but this time something tickled her fancy and she inquired. I was excited and had someone who seemed somewhat interested, so naturally, I told her everything. She looked thrilled to know more about knitting. She had been trying to learn from grandma, but grandma doesn’t seem that interested anymore. To my sister, me talking about knitting, and possibly knit something was a dream come true.
Soon almost everyone in the family got involved. We started practising on grandma’s old knitting needles, and used this ancient yarn we somehow still had - it had been years since grandma and I had knitted anything. We are having fun, mostly. Tomorrow, we’re planning to get more knitting needles and crochet hooks so everyone can practise on their own. I don’t have anything to show you right now, but as soon as we conjure up something - even a measly square. I will update you all. Our end goal is the cardigan, for now. But who knows? If anyone of us gets any good, we might just take it up as a hobby.
Stuff I Created This Week!
Booktube (Lats and I love One Direction and we love books, this collab was inevitable):
Stuff I Enjoyed This Week!
Blowing FIRE RINGS underwater by TheBackyardScientist
World's Largest Devil's Toothpaste Explosion by Mark Rober
how to get over a reading slump by Sant Reads - We’re in weird times, maybe this will help? I hope it does.
Why AI will probably kill us all. by Boyinaband
“You Don’t Know Anything.” And Other Writing Advice from Toni Morrison by Emily Temple
More Perfect: Sex Appeal by Radiolab
And, finally, to cheer your day:
Write Back To Me!
What is love to you?
If you think a friend would like this newsletter, share it with them! If you want to geek out about anything in the letter, write to me! Hope you have a wondrous Tuesday!